Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A is for Accessible

Having two young men in my life who own the letter 'A' and equal parts of my heart, I could never choose one 'A' name without tearing my own soul in half. My son's names, Austin and/or Adam were not to be the easy 'A' for this journey through the alphabet. 

In my attempt to search deeper for things, I have been coming to discover that the more accessible things are the more I take them for granted. So much is attainable and within my reach, and yet, those are the things I consistently take for granted. I am blessed by them and I don't want them to go away, but I wrongly assume that they will always be there and that everyone else has them as well. 

During the afternoon, my husband and I drove to the beach with our youngest son, our often quiet 16-year-old. I wanted to hear from him. I wanted to hear about his day, hear about the girl that has his eye, his thoughts on his friend's parent's decision to divorce. I wanted to hear his heart. His father and I were available to him, and yet, it took such energy and purpose to entice him into sharing. Teasingly, I told him, "One day, I will be gone--and you will miss the day I made you come to the beach to be bored."

Later that evening, my own Mother called. She had read my blog and heard my heart. She wanted to talk, she wanted to be available to me, to be accessible. But, in tune with the nature that I have demonstrated to my son, I pulled away. "Mom, I'm fine." The moment was lost. And, somewhere on a distant shoreline of a beach, where I will one day sit and miss my Mother, the waves were breaking. 

It is part of our nature to take for granted that which is accessible, and we do it all day long. We have done it since the beginning of time and we will battle it until the Lord returns. So, while I did not earn an "Easy A" for my letter today, I did learn more about myself and more about who I want to be. And, in the night, when my heart ached with regret for moments that have been lost and fear for what still may be taken, I heard a whisper...

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you..." And clinging to the words of James, the brother of Jesus, I remembered that in the darkest night, God is always accessible.

LINKING TODAY with ABC WEDNESDAY. Click on over to read more about the letter Aa.