A funny thing happened on the way to the time clock... Getting fired feels a little like that; a lot of unfinished one liners keep coming to my head. I've never been fired before--if anything I have always been the employee that employers adore--so I am a little unskilled in the emotions that come with this new unemployment status.
I've been unhappy for quite a while and I have been wanting God to show me which way to go, but I have been afraid about making the final leap into my new journey. I have jokingly "volunteered" to be fired, because I felt like it would be easier to move ahead if someone else would make the decision for me. But, honestly, I know my work habits and so I really didn't anticipate being shown the door (so to speak).
Now, having spent the last 5 hours as one who was fired I have moved through a myriad of emotions. It's weird that even though I hated working in such a repressive environment with doctor's that I had no respect for, I feel sad at being rejected.
Someone didn't want me? How could this be? I am amazing...right? This is a little embarrassing...
It's like being "broken up with" by the boy that you were embarrassed to be dating in the first place. I guess at the root it comes back to pride. They didn't want me. That makes me a little blue.
Not being wanted is a sad place to sit. Not being chosen for the team. Not being asked to a dance. Not being invited to a slumber party. It's all the same and we never grow to a point that we don't want to be desired. So, I'm a little blue.
I came home from being fired feeling this color. Blue.
I went from my husband's arms to my bedroom and sat with my bible. After I had been home about an hour I looked at my clock and remembered that I had a phone call to make. I have a young friend who is interested in starting her own Mary Kay business. I had to call her and share my story and what caused me to start selling Mary Kay and how it has impacted my life.
Now, I've been enjoying learning about Mary Kay Ash and the sacrifices she made to build her company and I know that she is a great example of someone who took the bad that was dealt to her and made the most of the situation. I have also been learning about the power that God gives me when I focus on the good and I look for ways to have a joyful and a thankful heart. Overall, it's been a great chance to grow (and to get some really good product on my own skin!)
But, tonight, I felt the power of the Holy Spirit lift me and give me the will to call my young friend and share the opportunity. Never would I have thought of the things that were coming out of my mouth as I shared how God has been using this opportunity.
Slowly, as I shared the story of how my business has been growing I started to feel less and less blue. I felt pink. Yep. Mary Kay pink took over.
Optimism won over heartache and rejection. Tonight I fall into bed aware that I did need someone to make a decision for me. God. He helped me move to where I was afraid to go.
And tonight as I pulled out my bible to seek His guidance on my new path He gave me this verse:
"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are RADIANT; their faces are never covered with shame." Psalm 34:4-5
I am radiant in blue and I am radiant in pink. I will be just fine--I've been delivered.