Sunday, September 13, 2009

Guess what, Oprah, I'm not a lesbian.

Thanks to Facebook I ended up watching Oprah. My daughter saw a status update from a friend in another time zone and told me we had to tune in. I wasn't crazy about the idea. I mean, it was a beautiful day outside and because we had not recorded it we would have to watch *gasp* commercials. But, hey this is my "reliving my Stay-At-Home-Mom days vacation", so I guess it includes Oprah.
The show was about women who in their mid-life had left their husbands of 20 some years and turned to a life of Lesbianism. Hmm. Okay. I'm in my mid-life and I've been married for over 21 years. Let's see what they have to say. I knew that most likely I wasn't going to be getting any spiritual awakenings from the show and I was cool with that, I mean, if I go to Cheesecake Factory I can't get irritated that it is all fattening--so when I look to the world I can't get irritated that it is all fluff. Say what sounds politically correct, Oprah. Blah, blah, blah.
The women were extreme cases who had allowed themselves to become caught up in this particular lifestyle and now they were feeling "alive and renewed" for the first time. One woman said that it wasn't about sexuality--but it was about identity. I found that I wasn't irritated with the women, but the thing that I was so aware of was how they had truly missed their moment.
There is this moment that a woman goes through and it seems to happen in her 40's--although some women may experience it sooner and others a little later. At this moment a woman will begin to feel like she has finally bloomed. She isn't as perfect as she used to be on the exterior, but something on the inside takes over and she unfolds a whole new dimension. Some people miss it, because it is a little scary and they are so overwhelmed by the beauty that seems to be fleeting that they chase after that which is unobtainable. I believe that these women who "became" lesbians would have had an awakening within their marriages had they not ran from that experience.
Then the "expert" began to talk. She wrote a book, therefore she is the expert.
Now, I am irritated.This woman had the opinion that the reason so many more women are choosing this alternative lifestyle is because for the first time (in all of history) women can have a "true emotional connection".
Seriously? Seriously.
I became almost enraged. I happen to have some absolutely beautiful friendships with women whom I am so connected with on an emotional and spiritual level. Can this "expert" honestly tell me that I am not as connected emotionally because I don't have sex with them? Since when is having sex with someone the defining moment of being connected emotionally. With that logic, all the 15 year-old girls who are having sex are more connected to their pimply faced cohorts than their own Mom's are connected to their best friends from college.
As a woman who has loved and lived in some very powerful friendships with other women I am outraged. I have shared a deep transforming love with other women. I hear their voices in the choices I make--they are with me even when I am alone. I will not be having a "lesbian transformation", but I will NOT accept the belief that the women who do so are having one because they achieved an intimacy that I can't understand.
Finally this, my girlfriends, I would be there for you. I would catch an airplane, drive through the desert, rub your shoulders, hold your hand and cry with you. I would tell you the truth if you are making a mistake and I would listen to you talk your way through the valley you are in. There is nothing that you could do that would surprise me enough to turn me away. You are my friend and I love you. Oh, and guess what, Oprah, I'm not a lesbian.